Serve Up Some Happiness

Take away his need to be independent.  Of course he is self-sufficient and that is one of the traits you were attracted too however you want to add to their life by making it easier with the support of another awesome person……YOU!!!  Compliment his weaknesses or lacks with the things you are good at.  Become an asset that he can’t emotionally handle being without. Be careful though.  You have to learn him so you can become an asset and not his mother.

Do your best to win over his friends and family who happen to be his loved ones.  They will be there when you are not and they usually have an unconditional love that has what you don’t have, time in the game.  They have known your man longer than you have, they have been through other women before you…they know him in ways you never will.  Play nice with his loved ones.  Display that you care about him by caring about what or who is important to him.  When you develop a genuine reputation of caring for him, his loved ones will defend you even when you are not around. Now, I get it.  This may not be possible in every situation but you have to at least do your best to try.  Causing him to have to choose only causes resentment to build and creates a space for others to creep in.

Support his dreams. When I was married, some of his dreams made no sense to me so I didn’t support them.  That was the wrong thing to do on so many levels, for so many different reasons.   As your man’s significant other you should support his dreams or assess your place in his dreams.  When you genuinely show your man you believe in his abilities, it gives him an unnatural super power that can only benefit your relationship for years to come.  Be his cheerleader.

Compliment him to build him up.  How you feel about him reflects how he feels about himself. Refer to the videos of men with their flashy clothes, fast cars and loads of money.  They want to impress us girls!  Complimenting him helps to connect with feelings that help you relay how you feel about him.  You might have to learn some new feeling words.  Be genuine, otherwise he will know.

Give the man some responsibility.  Make him feel like he has ownership, like he is needed…it cultivates a sense of ownership.  You like to feel needed right, well so does he.  Actually men need it to feed off of because it helps build courage and helps them gain or maintain momentum.  Don’t do everything for him.  If you start to feel like you are mothering him, you probably are.  Let him be the dude and communicate to him your dude expectations.  Why keep something around that you don’t need other than to allow it to connect dust?  Don’t let your man sit around and collect dust.  Have some expectations of him.

In all you do, put your best foot forward.  Make a decision to try.  Make a decision to be committed and to display loyalty even in difficult times.  Treat him well in public regardless of what is going on in your relationship.  Put your best foot forward with taking care of yourself physically and spiritually.  You are a dime piece so act like it so he can be proud to show you off. 

I hope you are ready for this last one because I only learned this in the past five years!

Fix his plate. Make his plate. Prepare his food, put it on a plate and hand it to him with a smile.  Of course he can get it himself.  Preparing his plate is a form of affection, it reminds him that he is your Lion and if your are at a gathering or family function this is also a form of PDA.  You don’t want your cousin fixing your man’s plate now do you?  Practice at home so you don’t forget when you are out in public.


Now I know some of these suggestions might not be a norm for you but keep an open mind and give it a try.  This may not work for every man but this is a start to help you learn your man.

If these tips don’t help, don’t be afraid to seek the support of a therapist if your relationship is important to you.  Therapy is an investment.


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Montoyia McGowan, LCSW
(901) 273-3485

Free 15 Minute Consultation

Located in "The Union Centre Building",
1331 Union Ave Suite 1003
Union Centre Memphis, TN 38104

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